Brown Bus

Hello again fellows, let me tell you a story of such frightening porpotions i advise you to turn back now as this is not for the faint of heart, you see today on my way home i almost took the next step to the retirment home and came very close to filling my pants with poo!
I had spent the previous night at Mr Fords, was a plesant evening listening to some music a couple of whiskeys and general chit chat, we also decided to have a curry as i have not had one for a very long while i decided it was a good idea, First Mistake!
On awaking this morning there was something unusual going on down in my engine room (mind out to the gutter please people thats my job) i didnt need a number 2, i thought this was odd as i was farting like a trooper but i wasnt going to force the issue, Second Mistake!
Anyway ater watching Top Gear and several cups of tea i decided to depart i still had no urge to drop the kids off at the pool, which was really odd given the curry the night before but i carried on regardless, got on the bus and made my way back home, Final Mistake!
I sat down, there was the usual amount of tossers on the bus but nothing new there, as the bus made its way down the road i felt something rumble in my stomach that familar need of yes i needed a turd! knowing i was just at the start of my journey i was in trouble! the bus carried along its route making good time the need to poo growing but i could hold it off, about halfway through its journey the bus started to have a severe loss of power to its engine. The bus vibrated violently as the driver tried to get it going again this caused the dull pain in my bowels to increase and made the need to lay down the cable increase ten fold, we finally arrived in stourbridge where i had to change bus, although feeling the need i thought i could still hold on till home so jumped on the bus for my final leg, sitting on the top deck i relaxed and off we went all was going fine until.... fear gripped at my very heart oh my god i had FARTED!!!!!
I had reached defcom 3 i was at full brown alert with 4 miles to go, preying to bogdan i would make it home in time, my mind wondered to the huggies adverts where the mother is so happy the kid has had a crap, well im 24 and i dont think my mother would have the same response if i walked in proclaming i had shate myself babies they have it easy.
I was now on the home straight i was also now farting like a machine gun, honestly my arse could have been used on the western front to stop the Hun. As i we approached the speed bumps i held on to the rail in front for dear life my knuckles turned white and i held my breathe i was about to have a brown baby if i relaxed for just a moment!
Getting off the bus i was now prairie dogging down the street my house was in sight, i raced in with a clenched arse and saw the toilet it was beautiful, i sat down and made some very happy noises oh it was heaven! finishing sometime later all sense of space and time was lost to me im afraid i was the most releved man in the world.
So i say to you these words, always crap before you depart because next time it could be your pants!