Its with a heavy heart that i announce the retirement of "The Tone." And heavy is the operative word, you see its time i got back into some kind of shape, i have become rather more festively plump than i would like to be,i mean for god sakes i cant even take a swim now a days without causing a media storm http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iA_uwuYl2VU. This is not a New Years resolution its more of a don't drop dead at 30 resolution. I was so dam proud of myself last time i made this change in my life and then as soon as i was happy i stopped and as you know its back to square one, well this time i feel i have learnt from my mistakes and I'm dam sure gonna do it this time! I'm ready for all the girl comments that will surely come my way but please understand I'm doing this for the better i wanna look in the mirror and feel something other than shame!
Now with the serious stuff out the way let me tell you about my visit to the gym. Whoever said exercise is good for you is talking out of their arse, in fact i just reckon its just a ploy to suck as much money out of you before you pop your clogs as possible, at no point did i think wow i could be having a pint right now but i would rather be doing this. Anyway i have got ahead of myself so back we go to earlier in the day.
I walked in to the leisure centre said hey to the strange little thing behind the counter, it said her name was Debbie on her name tag seemed to know me i didn't have a clue. Walked into the gym and into and straight into the changing rooms, fear gripped my heart and a horrible thought entered my mind i remember these changing rooms and every time i enter there is always a stark bollock naked old man in there, i held my breath and prayed to Bogdan this was not gonna happen again, the door opened with a creak and sure enough right in my eye line was a 50+ year old browneye winking back at me as if to say welcome back! Why does this always happen do they lie in wait and as soon as the mark enters the area a radio message comes to them 3,2,1 Chuck a browneye Cyril! Anyway back to the story, so after my pleasant greeting i decided it was the norm and got changed Cyril unknown to me has moved to my right so as i turned to grab my trainers out of my bag despair fills my very soul! yes Cyril is now body flossing and giving me full view of old man dong!!!! The gym is good for you Christ i have almost vomited twice and i haven't done anything yet! The door opens and another old man comes in i decide he looks like a Trevor he also starts to nude up, so i leg it past the naked men and leave em to it i have seen enough already today. I get on the bike and the muscles grown back at me as i peddle away and i swear i have never felt so bad in my life i could hear my body screaming, after i had finished my legs where jelly, yep this gonna be a long road! I plow on and it starts getting better, i do admit i wanted to give up at one point but pride wasn't gonna let me, anyway i move on the end of my circuit and there's this guy who obviously thinks he is ace staring at me as if to say I'm better than you, well im sorry mate but at this point in time a jaffa cake is fitter than me, would you stand next to Beckham, Brad Pitt etc and do the same? i think not, so bugger off and take your mincy faggot balls with you!
I Finish my workout tired but happy closing my eyes i walk into the changing room, woot no naked bloke so i get changed but i cant help noticing a musky aroma in the air, thinking it must be me i spray some lynx on and carry on. That smells is now getting more pungent, i look to the right and see the toilet door is shut! yes that's right someone is taking a mighty dump while I'm getting changed just great, its so bad my eyes start to water as just as i leave the toilet flushes and out comes a rather portly fellow, i turn to him tears streaming and say "fuck me have you just slaughtered a cow in there"? He laughed and said "better out than in" and off he trotted.
I'm off there again tomorrow with some trepidation but its for the greater good.
P.s "The Tone" is available for Birthday parties, weddings and bar mitzvah's
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
Dead Horse
Well its been a bloody long while since i have written anything here so for that i must apologise, in truth i haven't really had anything to say.
well you will be pleased to know that finally something has happened that has made me pick up the keyboard and have a wee rant cos lets face it know one wants to read what i have been up to 4 cups of tea, brought the sun and peed 4 times (prolly the tea) not very interesting really is it?! Anyway back on subject i have always said don't let work effect your personal life and for most i my working life i have never had a problem. Well today it finally happened I'm suppose to be out right now watching a film and having a laugh but that's not happened because I'm so god dam angry that i don't think i would be A) much fun and B) don't want cause trouble for Hel as its her friends i was meant to be out with. So here's my story and it may get heated
The day didn't start well i had trouble sleeping last night didn't get my head down till 2.30am at around 4.00 am i woke in quiet alot of pain in my back it felt as if someone standing on my back and pulling my neck up which wasn't pleasant anyway got back to sleep again at about 4.30am i woke up again at 6am and then failed to get back to sleep even the Simpson's failed me so with not much sleep i got dressed and headed to work.
At work i found waiting for me a letter written by the christian informing me that she hasn't done the stock takes and basically spent the last two days on the phone and doing sweet fa! this didn't got get a positive response from me in fact i do believe "for fuck sake" was shouted. I work all day on the Sunday and in my time there i get all the end of week paper work done the figures sorted and all the general crap that needs to be done i also get at least half of the stock takes done there are usually 3 and i at the very least get 1.5 done, i have Monday and Tuesday off and come back to work on Wednesday given that i work in an off licence its not exactly the height of activity at the start of the week, so you would think seems she has over double the time i have she could at the very least get the stock takes finished, well guess what she didn't which i think is a fucking joke and I'm sick of it happening every week I'm fed up of been a dogs body and having to do every job that involves lifting and building things (that could be done by all people) all because i have a penis, well let me tell u something my member has done many things but as of yet it hasn't pulled itself out of my boxers and help me screw in a shelve or a piece of display kit and it has never lifted a case of beer or wine and u know what i don't think Mr Peeps every will.
So with the onslaught of customers including one women who didn't understand that 15+15 = 30 my day was heading down the pan, i then proceed to look at the rotas for the next month and sure enough I'm working every Friday, sat and Sunday night some weeks the rota isn't even complete apart from me working those nights and that's what really fucks me off i don't mind working my fair share and as asst manager i understand i have to work more than most however for the past 3 months or so i have done every one and its just not on! What takes the piss even more is the fact that we have one guy who never works a weekend and goes round boasting this fact and the christian been dumb lets him get away with it, and do u wanna know the reason for him never working weekend its because apparently its the only time he gets to see his Gf who by the way looks like a badger with a stick up its arse!!!! I'm sorry but that is not a valid reason for not working we all have things to do, what if i said I'm sorry i cant work Saturdays because its the only day i can have a toss and i wanna do that somehow i don't think i would get time off and when it all comes down to it its basically it's the same thing, when you take on a job you do it to the needs of the people you work for not for what benefits you!! So now rather angry and this situation i get a vist from the christian who goes on to moan that we haven't been sent a bottle of rum or something well again what can you do about it unless u can magic one out of your arse then shut up please I'm sick of it i don't care if we took a million quid or a fiver in a week I'm still gonna get paid the same so frankly i don't give a toss anymore!
These events the lack of the sleep the pain in my back, the lack of work been done, treated like a slave and general constant moaning and alot of other things going wrong so much so i had to stay over an hour after work which i wont get paid for and also some annoing matters outside of work put me in a very bad mood and meant i had to cancel my plans for tonight which has annoyed me most of all. I don't want to feel that work has put me in a situation where i need to go home and cool down instead of enjoying my life and to Hel I'm truly sorry as it looks bad on her and me that i wasn't in attendance and maybe seemed like i didn't want to spend time with her friends and boyfriend when really i did and i will make up for that soon, i sadly didn't get to speak with her before i wrote this to convey my reasons for dropping out, so if your reading this now Hello :)
I truly feel like I'm kicking a dead horse and as Gnr said its been bringing me down, well its not happening again I'm not taking this shit anymore!!!
well you will be pleased to know that finally something has happened that has made me pick up the keyboard and have a wee rant cos lets face it know one wants to read what i have been up to 4 cups of tea, brought the sun and peed 4 times (prolly the tea) not very interesting really is it?! Anyway back on subject i have always said don't let work effect your personal life and for most i my working life i have never had a problem. Well today it finally happened I'm suppose to be out right now watching a film and having a laugh but that's not happened because I'm so god dam angry that i don't think i would be A) much fun and B) don't want cause trouble for Hel as its her friends i was meant to be out with. So here's my story and it may get heated
The day didn't start well i had trouble sleeping last night didn't get my head down till 2.30am at around 4.00 am i woke in quiet alot of pain in my back it felt as if someone standing on my back and pulling my neck up which wasn't pleasant anyway got back to sleep again at about 4.30am i woke up again at 6am and then failed to get back to sleep even the Simpson's failed me so with not much sleep i got dressed and headed to work.
At work i found waiting for me a letter written by the christian informing me that she hasn't done the stock takes and basically spent the last two days on the phone and doing sweet fa! this didn't got get a positive response from me in fact i do believe "for fuck sake" was shouted. I work all day on the Sunday and in my time there i get all the end of week paper work done the figures sorted and all the general crap that needs to be done i also get at least half of the stock takes done there are usually 3 and i at the very least get 1.5 done, i have Monday and Tuesday off and come back to work on Wednesday given that i work in an off licence its not exactly the height of activity at the start of the week, so you would think seems she has over double the time i have she could at the very least get the stock takes finished, well guess what she didn't which i think is a fucking joke and I'm sick of it happening every week I'm fed up of been a dogs body and having to do every job that involves lifting and building things (that could be done by all people) all because i have a penis, well let me tell u something my member has done many things but as of yet it hasn't pulled itself out of my boxers and help me screw in a shelve or a piece of display kit and it has never lifted a case of beer or wine and u know what i don't think Mr Peeps every will.
So with the onslaught of customers including one women who didn't understand that 15+15 = 30 my day was heading down the pan, i then proceed to look at the rotas for the next month and sure enough I'm working every Friday, sat and Sunday night some weeks the rota isn't even complete apart from me working those nights and that's what really fucks me off i don't mind working my fair share and as asst manager i understand i have to work more than most however for the past 3 months or so i have done every one and its just not on! What takes the piss even more is the fact that we have one guy who never works a weekend and goes round boasting this fact and the christian been dumb lets him get away with it, and do u wanna know the reason for him never working weekend its because apparently its the only time he gets to see his Gf who by the way looks like a badger with a stick up its arse!!!! I'm sorry but that is not a valid reason for not working we all have things to do, what if i said I'm sorry i cant work Saturdays because its the only day i can have a toss and i wanna do that somehow i don't think i would get time off and when it all comes down to it its basically it's the same thing, when you take on a job you do it to the needs of the people you work for not for what benefits you!! So now rather angry and this situation i get a vist from the christian who goes on to moan that we haven't been sent a bottle of rum or something well again what can you do about it unless u can magic one out of your arse then shut up please I'm sick of it i don't care if we took a million quid or a fiver in a week I'm still gonna get paid the same so frankly i don't give a toss anymore!
These events the lack of the sleep the pain in my back, the lack of work been done, treated like a slave and general constant moaning and alot of other things going wrong so much so i had to stay over an hour after work which i wont get paid for and also some annoing matters outside of work put me in a very bad mood and meant i had to cancel my plans for tonight which has annoyed me most of all. I don't want to feel that work has put me in a situation where i need to go home and cool down instead of enjoying my life and to Hel I'm truly sorry as it looks bad on her and me that i wasn't in attendance and maybe seemed like i didn't want to spend time with her friends and boyfriend when really i did and i will make up for that soon, i sadly didn't get to speak with her before i wrote this to convey my reasons for dropping out, so if your reading this now Hello :)
I truly feel like I'm kicking a dead horse and as Gnr said its been bringing me down, well its not happening again I'm not taking this shit anymore!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)