It's that time of year again, when we prepare to celebrate no not Halloween, it's Christmas!!!! sorry i mean Winterville don't want to offend anyone now do we (altogether now WANKERS), by now your probably looking at the date and thinking wtf!?
You see i work in retail and i have just found out that my Christmas this year starts on October 31st, yes that's right for the next two months i have gotta spread good will to all men. Well you know what this year it can go do one!!! There is no way I'm hanging bits of holly in the window when its not even December! Granted its not the worse thing we have had in the window, last year we had a reindeer who looked like Santa had been playing hide the sausage with, the year before that we had a pissed up Santa who looked like he wanted to give all the children a special present!
So anyway people wonder why everyone in retail looks like they have been violated by Red Rum in the last week of December, well i will tell you. It's because after two months of Slade, Bing Crosby etc... The words Merry Christmas send us into a blind fury! It's like someone walking over to me with a big beaming smile and saying "Hey i have just humped your mother and you know what here's the video for you to watch!!!"
AHHHHHH sod off you happy soul i have been stuck in this living hell for two bastarding months, so go off to your office party, bang that munta who smells a little funny, drink yourself stupid and give useless tat to your loved one's.
As for me i will be following the wise words of Kevin Bloody Wilson "shove your Christmas up your arse ho ho fucking ho"
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